We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
