Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
