So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
