I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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