chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
im on a boat
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