he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
