I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
