A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
