dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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