Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
