high people should be assigned attendants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
