Got a toothbrush?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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