no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
