Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
not ubering you a puppy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
