Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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