3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
