This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
