No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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