Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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