I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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