Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
