i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
