why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize