I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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