wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
