broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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