ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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