i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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