I cannot find my penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...