that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
