FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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