dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
