i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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