So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
