no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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