I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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