my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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