One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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