I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
