i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
