You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
