I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
