I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize