also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
