That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This baby is an asshole
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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