I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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