what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize