peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Found your dick twin last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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