he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
