yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
