U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
