I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
