The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
