Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
