there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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