walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
