I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
