i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
