Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
