Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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