We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
