It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
