I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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