Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No subtext here. People are naked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
