i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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