So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
